what is masking?

1.

it’s when you spend the first grade observing the kids with friends, because you didn’t make friends in kindergarten, and you’d like to learn how to fix this

it’s when you smile through the earthquake of depression and anxiety that’s accumulating at home

it’s when you try to emulate neurotypical eye contact despite the burning in your spine

it’s when you perform as the perfect employee for two days, two months, or two years, and then burn out like a comet plummeting head-first into the dinosaurs

it’s why you turn into a gelatinous blob in your bedroom

it’s how you avoid bullies

it’s how you avoid parental guilt

it isn’t you

2.

it’s the clay you peel off of your soul

it’s the bandwagon fallacy resolving itself in slow motion

it’s the micro-aggressions you need to pumice away, after you’ve shed the skin of your first belief system

it’s the voice inside you that no longer serves you

it’s the societal bullshit you shouldn’t have to clean up

it’s a trial worth facing

it’s a habit you need to let go

it’s your heroic journey’s belly of the whale

poetry actually autistic masking poem